A fantasy I have fostered over many years is if I just do the things better and harder and more then finally, I will be seen, heard, and cared for.
This is not my first post on this theme yet it’s still relevant. I’ve been thinking about my lifetime of hanging on, no matter what. Challenging toxic systems, working at relationships that don’t want to work, and pursuing goals that no-longer fit. I am very familiar with trying to work harder, be better, and becoming more and more articulate about what I need. A fantasy I have fostered over many years is if I just do the things better and harder and more then finally, I will be seen, heard, and cared for. Somehow, I’ve also been ignoring or discounting the very real evidence to the contrary.
We are going to take a quick but important detour into manifesting.
Now stick with me, we are going to take a quick but important detour into manifesting. When Hannah and I started dreaming about Thrive, that’s all it was, a dream. We were studying for part of our CA licensing exam and during our study breaks we started dreaming of what we could build together. That was in 2015. Each step of the way we continued to cultivate clarity about what we needed next. Each time our needs have been met.
We had not advertised, we had not talked to other people, all we had done is simply give voice our specific need.
Ready for more office space? We find two offices that are reasonably priced and in a good location. I remember being anxious about taking on the extra expense but within a month I was able to easily cover the cost with client fees. Hannah and I have seen this process happen over and over. Once we decided we were ready for new trainees. On a Friday afternoon, before leaving the office, Hannah voiced this desire and I agreed. We were contacted by multiple trainees within the next week. We had not advertised, we had not talked to other people, all we had done is simply give voice our specific need. I am a believer in manifesting.
Critical part of letting go AND manifesting is the act of “making space”.
What does that have to do with letting go? I’ve realized another critical part of letting go AND manifesting is the act of “making space”. When we invest in the systems, people, and dynamics that no-longer serve us then we are filling up all our space, time, and energy with those things. I can manifest all I want but without the emotional, physical, and spiritual space available in our lives it is going to be difficult for those positive things to show up and have room to grow.
I realized that by not making real space for my private practice to grow I was just keeping myself in the toxic cycle of burnout and staying in a system that no-longer served me.
With all this in mind I finally did something I’ve been encouraging my clients to do for years, I quit a space that was no-longer serving me. I was planning to go into full time private practice in January 2024. I was going to stay three more months at my full-time job because I was feeling anxious about money and was feeling worried that I needed more time to build my client caseload. While on paper that sounds okay, I realized that by not making real space for my private practice to grow I was just keeping myself in the toxic cycle of burnout and staying in a system that no-longer served me. So, I quit. All I felt was relief. Within that same week I got 4 new clients without doing anything differently, except for, I made space.
I finally let go, like really let go. I feel free.
I still have a long way to go before I have a full and secure feeling caseload, and yet this is the most at peace I have felt for a long time. I finally let go, like really let go. I feel free. I can feel my energy and excitement about investing in my clients, trainees, and business. I am clearer than I have been in a long time. I feel spacious and I can see how hanging on to those old familiar ways felt comforting due to familiarity but that also limited me in ways I am only starting to discover.
I want you to feel alive, free, and spacious.
Most of us experience some version of holding ourselves back, often without awareness. It’s quite the journey to uncover the ways we may be stopping ourselves from getting what we need. I am forever grateful to my therapist who has patiently walked beside me as I’ve learned my own truth. This is a gift I’d like to give to you as well. I want you to feel alive, free, and spacious. Come see me at Thrive, there is space for you here.
If you would like some support with becoming more of yourself the ladies at Thrive SLO have your back. Schedule an appointment on-line!
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